“Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam… And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva… So tweasure your wuv.”
I love this (and mandy).
While we differ a bit / a lot in our marriage ideas: I mostly assume that since everyone I love (parents, husband-to-be, close friends) is wonderful and thinks I’m wonderful, concepts like females as property, games like “whose ring is bigger”, and ideas that white means i’m trying to fool anyone don’t pertain to me. I know that society reinforces these things and plenty of people still see it this way (and that my actions may reinforce it as well, or at least make people think that I’m the same way), I just somehow really find it impossible to care… it’s quite the blessing/curse… or mostly blessing, since I can’t care enough for it to be a curse. meh.
One thing though that I can’t agree with more though is the name changing thing! I like shiny things, so why wouldn’t I want a ring?; I like planning events and attending parties, so a wedding with lots of food and dancings (without children and possibly in Barcelona) sounds like fun!; I look great in white/ivory, so bring on the dress! But why would I go OUT OF MY WAY to change my name when I already have one?!?! Maybe I’m just inherently lazy (likely), but this just seems like the only thing in the marriage process that is so blatantly NOT about two equals coming together. AND NO MR JOE SCHMOE AND MS COURTNEY GARCIA SCHMOE WHILE WE’RE AT IT! ugh it’s like the thing to do for the modern, educated female and I think it’s sooo stupid.
I clearly have a deadline looming at work. but still… doesn’t mean this isn’t true.
xoxo,
The future Ms. Garmoe
I have some very… let’s call them ‘unique’ ideas of marriage —particularly when it comes to the engagement and wedding part. My friends, parents, and probably various passersby who’ve heard me talking about this, all tend to think I’m a bit nuts, but hey, that was obvious loooong ago. So this should come as no surprise.
It appears that I’m in a list-making mood, so I think I’ll present you with a short list of “Things that Most People Want When it Comes to Weddings/Engagements That I… do not”.
- First—and perhaps most importantly because if he fucks this one up, there will be no wedding—if the hopeful groom deigns to ask my father for my hand in marriage at any point rather than just asking me…. ooooooh buddy, it’s going down. And not in a good way. My father has express directions to come immediately to me and let me know what happened so that I can then do something dramatic (throw a cocktail in his face or something) and scream, “You clearly have no idea who I am! How could I ever marry you??” and flounce out the door. You don’t want to marry my father (and if you do, we’ve got faaaaar more serious issues to work out), you want to marry me. So ask me. I’m not his object to give, I’m his daughter to love and support. And best believe, he will support me in kicking your ass if you’d try this foolish thing.
- If you survive that first part and actually ask the right person, the next issue tends to be that of the ring. Except that with me, there will be no issue at all! Because I have no desire to have an engagement ring. The only piece of jewelery that I would even possibly consider accepting would be something of ancestral and sentimental value, which you would now like to pass along to me. But other than that, nope. I’m not playing the “who’s got the bigger diamond, who’s hubby-to-be loves her more” game. Feel free—really feel free—throughout our marriage to buy me pretty, shiny things. I am certainly not anti-sparklies. But, please, don’t do it for this. A simple wedding band will do quite nicely, thank you.
- Next… well… that whole wedding thing… yeah…. really kind of not into it. At all. I used to be one of those, “Let’s just grab a pastor and a couple witnesses, go to the park and get it done,” sort of girls. But I have evolved, somewhat since then. Mostly because I have realized, after going to a fair number of weddings, myself, that I believe there is something important about standing up there, in front of those you love, who love you back, and proclaiming for all of the them to hear, those vows (your hand-written ones, of course) that you promise one another. Marriage is hard work. And you’re going to need help. And, in my mind, the best people to help you with that are the ones you invite to share in that commitment with you.
- The actual ceremony/reception? Well, simply put, I have close to 0% interest in actually putting together a wedding. It seems like too much work for one day that all gets pawned off on the bride-to-be (because apparently some of them like that stuff? This is the word on the streets). Yeaaaah, for me? Not so much. Now, if hubby-to-be wants a wedding with all the little wedding trimmings (dear God help me), he is more than welcome to put it all together and just let me ok things. This could work, potentially.
- But my perfect wedding it would be small. Tiny, even. We’re talking close family and close friends (and not their crying babies/children). I don’t need, nor want to plan a wedding (see above) for 100 people, let alone 200, 300, or 500. Nope. The perfect scenario for me would be a destination wedding (sometimes you have to run away from those family member you know will crash that party—don’t pretend like you don’t have ‘em), with those few close fam and friends, paid for entirely by us. I don’t want Mom and Dad to have to be scrounging for their plane tickets to Italy because that’s where their crazy daughter decided she wanted to get hitched. Nope. I would much rather spend money on plane tickets for those I love, than spend it on a ceremony and reception for hundreds of people I barely know.
- The white dress/veil. Negative and negative (I’ll bet you didn’t see that one coming, did you?). There will be no white (shit, I’ll probably be 30 by the time I get married. Really, who on Earth would I be fooling? Slash, why would I want to be fooling anyone?). There will be no veil. There will be a fabulous designer dress (or a designer dress by my amazing mama) that fits me like a glove. Bridesmaids (if those exist) of course, will get to pick their own dresses to fit their own styles—and hopefully I’ll be at a point where I can afford to at least defray the costs of those substantially.
- If this semi-traditional wedding is actually going down—there will be no going down… the aisle that is, on the arm of my father. Now I love my father in more ways than I could ever express. This is nothing against him. This is completely against the tradition that the father gives his daughter i.e. his property to another man to be his property. Me no likey. Who knows how this will play out in the end, but unless we’re both being given away (shoo shoo), neither of us will be being given away.
- And last (that I can think of for now), but certainly not least: the name change. There will be no Mr. and Mrs. Joe Schmoe. There will be no Mr. and Mrs. Joe and Courtney Schmoe. There could be Mr. and Mrs. Joe and Courtney Garcia-Schmoe. There could be Mr. Joe Schmoe and Mrs. Courtney Garcia. And there could be Mr. and Mrs. Joe and Courtney Garmoe (or any other combo of the names). But under no circumstances will I be taking my husband’s last name. I have one. It works quite well. And we wouldn’t want to confuse all the students who will suddenly think that their favorite author has ceased to exist, now would we? I didn’t think so.
So that’s all for now. I know, I’m pretty much the anti-girl when it comes to weddings. But I’ve been to too many, seen the behind-the-scenes for too many (my mother does wedding coordinating for our church), and know too much about the history behind those “beloved” wedding traditions to want anything close to a “traditional” wedding.
Marriage is not about engagement rings or white dresses or wedding days. It’s about “wuv, tru wuv.” That’s all I’m aiming for.
(P.S. If you don’t know where the title quote is from, you need to move The Princess Bride to the top of your Netflix queue like… now.)
